oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
