At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize