WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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