Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
