So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
