idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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