so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Green mimosas i think yes
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
