So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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