Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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