Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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