You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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