so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
