Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The maid of honor just puked.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
