Can i not drive my cunt home
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
