I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
