What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
