So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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