I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize