Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Randomize
