YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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