wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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