i can't believe i had my finger in that
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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