I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
