I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
