The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
4 words: hood of his car
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
