she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just googled if crying burns calories
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
