Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i think i just lost a toe
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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