so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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