A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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