I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
