either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i will never coherently bang her
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She needs sedatives and a leash
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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