He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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