She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
