clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
