Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
