You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
