I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
