Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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