She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
