i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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