After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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