You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
