the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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