I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize