I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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