You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
How does one acquire holy water?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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