what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
