i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
