hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
