ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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