dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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