I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Buhtt sex?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
someone owes me an orgasm
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The beer is more important than you right now.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
