my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize