He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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