i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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