that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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