Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
