No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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