I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
