Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
