hotel room ftw
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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