he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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