Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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