all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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