It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
