final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
