I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
