Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
