Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
