Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
