Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
