I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
