When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So much rum. So many feels.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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