first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
