3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
my shit smells like andre
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
