i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
