You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
