i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
