I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
