just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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