In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
