All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
