Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
