i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
