The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i need some magic done to my vagina
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
