My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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