a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
