i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
