I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
