How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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