i just had sex bonerless
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize