it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
