He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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