Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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