the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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